May I Never Forget

Often times, we want to stay in the negative simply because its familiar. We want out, we want a change. But our feet seem to be planted in concrete and we are unwilling to move because it is so scary to leave what we know, and move into the unknown. 

I was once told that familiarity breeds contempt.

I was forced into the unknown. I knew that where I was, was not where I was supposed to be but I didn’t know how to make a move. I didn’t know which way to go. I was afraid of making the wrong move. If I moved, and left the security that I had, be it as wrong as the day was long, where would I find such security? I knew things were bad, I knew I needed a change. But I didn’t think that I could do it by myself.

Throughout my life, I always had my dad. When I messed up, no matter how badly, I was always able to go to Dad. Yes, he would fuss, scream, and cuss, but in the end, he always pulled through for me. When he was gone, I had my husband. No, he was no where near being what my dad was to me, but he was there. It was still someone that I could depend on. Sometimes. 

But there is something about being stripped down to nothing. All of my life, I proclaimed and professed to be a God-fearing, praise-singing, Praise-The-Lord, Stomp-The-Devil-Out Christian. However, it was only until I had NO ONE ELSE to depend on, that I realized that I had NEVER fully put my trust in God.  I later recognized this and repented to God for making man my god. I prayed and told God how sorry I was. I have seen His hand in my life so many times. His timing is perfect. He has allowed me to see so many things that I would not have seen if I had not chosen to walk in His light. Yes, bad things are going to happen. No, I’m no where near perfect. I’m still going to have to face this hurt over and over again. I'm still going to lose loved ones. Im still going to forget things and miss deadlines. But that doesn’t change who God is. The only thing that changes is where I allow God to be in my life. 

One day, this episode in my life will be over. I’ll get to begin again. My prayer is that when I am once again at the mountain-top of life, that I am still fully reliant on God. That I remember that the God who was there in the valley, is the God that is on the mountain-top. I pray that I never forget the power that He has. 

Expect the Unexpected

Life is so funny....right when you think you've got it all figured out...BAM!!! You get slapped with an unexpected storm that tosses you into a bleak oblivion. You are vulnerable, you feel lost, afraid and all you want to do is eat ice cream and sleep. I've even tried the 'don't think about it and it will go away' game but of course, when the ice cream is gone and sleep can't be found anymore, the storm is still there.

Awhile ago, I learned to stop thinking that I had it all figured out. I realized that before the storm,  I had seen warning signs of impending danger and was too busy to stop and recognize the warning signs for what they were. The writing was on the wall, whether I wanted to read it or not. But I am a firm believer in the fact that it doesn't matter what the storm is, It's how you react to it that counts. I know that I have spent a lot of time processing through feelings and emotions and attempting to place blame hoping that somehow if I could do that properly, I would feel better. But I didn't. The only way that I could make it through any storm was deciding that I was still breathing so it WASN'T OVER. God didn't make that breath my last so it was up to me to pick the ball up and head for the goal line again. I was tackled by life, I even fumbled and turned over the ball when I had a clear view of the touch-down zone...I(f you know me, you know that I am not a fan of sports at all so I have no idea where that just came from!!!). But my point is this, I chose to begin again. I am a firm believer in God and I know that as long as I allow Him to be in control of my life, no storm is too big. There is NOTHING that can harm me. God chose my beginning and only He knows my ending. He allows me to decide what I do with what's in between. I pray that my choices are pleasing to Him.

Fierce: It's the only way to be

Hello and welcome to my world! I started thinking about doing this blog months ago. I did what I do best and procrastinated until a few weeks ago. A person that I still considered a friend had a blog. She was transparent in her writings and passionate in her thoughts. She left us way too early. So I decided to sort of pick up her torch (not that I will ever be as eloquent as she) and start my own little community in the blog world. I hadn't spoken to her in years but I kept up with her and her family through Facebook, as she did mine. I wish I would have taken the time to tell her how much I enjoyed her quips online and how I appreciated her allowing us into her world via words. I'm an almost-single mom of two kids. No, I never imagined that that term, 'almost-single' would ever apply to me but alas, here I am. Of course, I was devastated when he declared that he wanted a divorce and moved out, but I'm still here. I still get up every morning and I find something to smile about daily. I love my kiddos and I am determined to show them that no matter what happens in life: they can still be Fierce....because it's the only way to be! I'm excited to start this blog! I've often struggled with transparency for fear of judgement or ridicule but I've come to the realization that folks are going to do and say what they want. I have decided that no matter the uncertainties that Life throws my way, with the help of God, I'll stay Fierce!